So since he's still at the rehab hospital, I decided to bring Valentine's Day to Drew. Brought him fancy cheese (brie, etc), bread and crackers, wine and a dessert. We've been bringing him full dinners a lot since the food is crappy. Drew's parents stole my thunder on Sunday by bringing him a steak dinner. So I went this route instead. I brought 2 red candles in nice holders and red cloth napkins. I wore a nice dress (not lookin' too shabby I might add)... I thought I'd remembered everything. Wrapped the wine glasses like little mummies, had paper towels.... FI liked it all...we're settling in to our cheese and crackers/bread when I realize I forgot a corkscrew. Way to go! I was mad but we decided we'll have our Merlot tomorrow. I also dropped a candle and it broke :( Then we're getting as comfy as a bed filled with sand and walls of air can be and a nurse comes in. Didn't knock although the door was closed. I knew we'd have no privacy, so annoying. Anyway, overall it was nice and somehow Drew even managed to get me a present (I think he had a lackey ;)

So the tailbone area has healed very well, according to Ting at the last appt. Unfortunately, she isn't happy with the way the thigh area is healing so we still have no idea how long Drew will be in the rehab hospital. And she still refuses to consider another type of care besides Laurel Grove despite the fact that he hasn't healed well and has not gotten the care we think is adequate at this rehab center. She keeps acting like it's his fault which I am so sick of. He has to become more accepting of certain aspects of his situation but I'm really sick of his feelings and his experiences not being respected.

I was telling him tonight that since transferring from his chair into his car is not a level transfer, he won't be able to do that for quite awhile. He has to be realistic about that. But Ting has to stop calling him a liar when he tells her he can move from his bed to his chair without sliding. (Sliding can cause shearing of the skin and could destroy the sutures/stitches). She refuses to believe all of us when we insist that he has plenty of upper body strength to lift himself across the board and not slide on it. She stubbornly bases her opinion on one observation of him sliding while transferring on an incline. One time. I can attest to the fact that when he knows he has to be careful how he transfers he does so lifting his lower body across the board very slowly. What does she want me to do videotape him doing it? I've seen him...

You can't tell people how to feel and you can't tell an adult that his voice, his own experience is not valid. Until he feels that his voice is heard and respected he is going to continue to be angry about the situation. I've been reading this book How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen (it could also be called how to listen so your kids will talk) and the things the authors talked about reminded me so much of Drew's situation as an adult. Remember how angry kids get when you ignore them or tell them they aren't mad at their sibling? It doesn't make those feelings go away, in fact it intensifies them. I feel like the only one who is listening to actually hear what Drew is saying not just to tell him how to feel. I know it's hard for everyone in this scenario who cares about him and everyone is doing the best they can because we all want him to be healthy and happy. But it won't get better until his voice is really heard.

Clearly, the problem for healing is the care at Laurel Grove, particularly the dressing changes. Drew has mentioned the wound care nurse at Laurel Grove never checks the paperwork Ting sends about how the wound should be dressed. This is a big deal since she has changed the orders due to the fact that it hasn't healed as it should. Drew has had problems with this wound care nurse (don't know her name) several times and has told Ting but Ting does not seem to care. She seems to think the problem will magically go away. What more can he do but insist that this woman read the doctors orders and correct her when she is wrong? This nurse is as stubborn as Ting and still tries to do things however she sees fit. When he reports to Ting about the problem he gets no workable, satisfactory solution. She says "I'm sure you'll get good care there". As Drew says, "all signs point to no", so why doesn't she consider my experience a valid determiner?

Second problem I have with Ting is that she refuses to admit she has changed the length of time (several times) that he would be bed-ridden. It has now been 6 wks. Dr Bradshaw (Drew's main rehab doctor at Laurel Grove who I have now met once in the 4 wks Drew has been there) told us the paperwork he had originally received from Ting said 1 week at Laurel Grove, then it changed to 2 wks. Dr Bradshaw is completely confused as to what Ting wants and that's no surprise! Ting claims that nothing is ever a guarantee (and of course it isn't) but when you're confusing EVERYONE involved in this process that's a major problem. And it's a problem with HER communication and the quality of much of the nursing care at Laurel Grove, not with the patient.

Third problem: Why has she only seen him every 2 wks in this process? Esp after she has seen that one area is not healing properly. That to me would signal the need to see him more frequently. "I'll see you in 2 wks" is for when you have acne or a bad cold.

Fourth problem: If he can't get out of bed AT ALL (not even for 10 minutes, not even with physical assistance at Laurel Grove) why on God's green earth does she insist on he being transferred by ambulance every 2 wks on a flat hard gurney to be on his back in transit and in her office for over an hour!! Why on earth can't she go see him? She uses no special equipment when she assesses him. The only time I could see it being necessary is when she removes sutures/stitches/staples which she hasn't yet. And if she went to Laurel Grove she could (I don't know) COMMUNICATE with the workers at Laurel Grove and actually make progress on these issues!

Fifth problem:
She doesn't seem to hear the fact that no one is suggesting that he come home and only have me for care. I can tell you I definitely don't want that! And it wouldn't be feasible. He would have to have extended home care for a few weeks. Until he could be up for long enough to do things for himself all day while I'm gone. I can't help him out of bed alone if she would insist on assistance when he transfers. Or into the shower, that would have to be a care provider. And the social worker at Laurel Grove was working on getting extended home care achieved but Ting halted it. Again, no legitimate reason why. No other alternative to Laurel Grove explored by Ting despite her dissatisfaction with the thigh surgery area.

These were all supposed to addressed the last time he saw her (on the 2nd) but according to the description of what was discussed were not adequately answered. Unfortunately, I can't be there myself due to a class I have to go to during the hr of the appt. So I am writing all my concerns down (this is my brainstorm obviously) and will insist they be addressed at the appt. Action needs to be taken, since (by her own admission) the surgery cannot be done again in this area. The quality of care HAS to improve one way or another regardless of people's egos. Doctors, nurses or Drew's. The bottom line is his healthiness, I don't care how it gets achieved, just start achieving it already! I'm really concerned about this thigh area that is leaking fluid still. I don't want capriciousness at all. One thing this makes me think is, I wish we could still be working with the doctors and nurses at San Ramon. Bill Bryson was a far superior wound care nurse and Hamstra was far superior communicator than Ting, but he wasn't a plastic surgeon.

So please think healing thoughts for him esp the next two days before he goes to see Ting again.